well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't think brook has ever known best
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
