Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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