i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
