drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
