Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
