areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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