how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
