that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
