your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
