My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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