i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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