I wish I could punch you in the face.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
