ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
