I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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