he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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