apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she looked like the before picture.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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