Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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