WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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