If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
