I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I touched a dick in church today
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
