I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
