i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
