worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
