guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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