he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
