you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
