And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
