I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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