i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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