That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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