ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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