I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
