Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
