I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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