if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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