I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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