I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
