i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
