somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
