Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
