whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
