well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize