i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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