Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize