Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
