hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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