my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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