We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize