it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
