Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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