There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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