so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
