I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
