guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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