so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
