gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
