I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
