Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YAS. BRING CRAB.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
