I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
