I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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