I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
