my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
