no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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