I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
