boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize