I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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