I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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